#studying inhospitality

[lunarparacosm]

the mitski brainrot is unavoidable. anyways this one’s based off ‘i’m your man’

[stormarts]

that love is like a star (it’s gone, we just see it shining)

[dlzdrz]

You believe me like a god;

I'll destroy you like a man

[draconym]

Hey @staff just wondering did any of you ever study web design

Just feels like you're intentionally making the desktop interface an inhospitable place in order to drive users toward the app or off the site entirely. Is that what you were going for? If so good job I guess.

[typhlonectes]

Mice thrive at 6700 m, higher than any mammals were thought able to live

Survey turns up several mouse species living on Andes peaks, breaking records for the highest dwelling mammals

Few places are as inhospitable as the top of Llullaillaco, a 6700-meter volcano on the border between Chile and Argentina. Winds howl nonstop and no plants live there; daytime temperatures never get above freezing and plummet even more come nightfall. Oxygen levels are just 40% of those at sea level, too low for mammals to live there —or so biologists thought until 3 years ago when a research team captured a live leaf-eared mouse at its summit. Now new work shows this animal was not a fluke. The team has found other leaf-eared mice on additional volcano tops, and genomic studies of these summit dwellers and their lower elevation relatives confirm the rodents make their homes nearly 7000 meters above sea level, making them the highest dwelling vertebrate found so far. (Some birds soar higher but appear not to dwell at those elevations.) The team has also come across five other mouse species living above 5000 meters on various mountains in the Central Andes...

Read more:  https://www.science.org/content/article/mice-thrive-6700-kilometers-higher-any-mammals-were-thought-able-live

[plaguedocboi]

Bottomless Pits

We post holes here, sir.

Sinkholes, pit caves, wells and cenotes all have one thing in common; sometimes they’re bottomless. Not truly “bottomless”, of course, but in appearance, reputation, or of incredible depth. We’ve seen a few of these “bottomless pits” in prior lists such as the Lost Sea in Tennessee or the Devil’s Hole in Nevada, but today we will focus on those strange places in the earth that seem to be endless.

1. Laguna Kaan Luum, Mexico

This one threw me for a loop because I was originally only seeing pictures like the one above, so I was like ‘oh, that’s cool, so it’s kinda like Dean’s Blue Hole, where it’s an ocean sinkhole right off the shore…’

No. It’s not that. Let’s zoom out a bit.

Yeah. This is a lake with one giant sinkhole in the middle! It’s about 2,000 feet across and reaches depths of 278 feet, with the surrounding shallows a very pleasant 4 feet deep! I’m mostly including it on the list because the full image hit me like a bus.

2. Sima Humboldt, Venezuela

Tepuis are large plateau mountains found across Venezuela, often with sheer sides and inaccessible tops that inspired explorers to imagine dinosaurs still surviving on these isolated mesas. Even on their own, tepuis are incredible, beautiful and mysterious. Add a sinkhole with an even more isolated forest at the bottom, and you have all the ingredients for some crazy shit to happen. Sima Humboldt and Sima Martel are two enormous sinkholes at the top of Cerro Sarisariñama. Humboldt is the largest at over a thousand feet across and nearly the same in depth, with a jungle flourishing at the bottom. The sinkhole forests are home to many endemic species of both plant and animals, but so far, no prehistoric monsters have been found in any of them.

3. Well of Barhout, Yemen

The “well of hell” is a massive sinkhole in the desert, measuring about 100 feet in diameter and plunging down over 300 feet. Understandably, there are many myths and legends about this place, including a story about an evil djinn which lives at the bottom and takes the head of anyone foolish enough to climb in. In fact, so pervasive are these legends that the sinkhole was only formally explored in 2021! Luckily they did not find any evil spirits, but they did find stalagmites which reached 30 feet tall, cave pearls, and waterfalls which provided refuge for frogs and snakes.

4. Myakka sinkhole, Florida

This murky abyss is filled with more than just water, it is also home to over a hundred alligators. Due to the poor visibility and very high concentration of large carnivores, it is very difficult to study this pit. Only a few people have ever glimpsed the bottom of this 134-foot deep sinkhole, but apparently we aren’t missing much because the water down there is stagnant and inhospitable to most life. Exactly why this area is so popular among alligators is still unknown, but it’s likely due to a combination of food availability and ideal temperatures.

5. The Pit cenote, Mexico

Like Cenote Angelita, The Pit is a layered cenote. The first 88 feet is freshwater, then there is a “fog” of hydrogen sulfide, below which lies over 300 feet of brackish water. The Pit is a spectacular-looking cenote, with an almost otherworldly quality, which makes it very popular among divers. So far, this pit has been explored to a depth of 390 feet, but unexplored passages extend further.

6. Thor’s well, Oregon

Like a drainpipe continuously swallowing an unbroken stream of ocean water, Thor’s well is often likened to a bottomless pit. However, it is actually only about 20 feet deep, and the drain effect is due to the fact that it connects back to the ocean, not swallowing the water but simply rerouting it. This does not mean that there is no danger, though. The rocks are slippery and sharp, and this area sees a higher than average number of ‘sneaker waves’; waves that look normal as they roll in but are actually much larger than they appear, potentially sweeping people out to sea as they retreat. The true danger here is the ocean, not the well.

7. Vouliagmeni Lake, Greece

This incredibly beautiful saltwater lake has been rumored to have healing properties for thousands of years, and today continues to draw in visitors for its medicinal minerals and “doctor fish”. But this famous lake hides a secret; a labyrinth of caves whose depths have never been fully explored, and whose connection to the ocean remains undiscovered. Passages stretch over a mile into the mountains, with an average depth of 260 feet. The largest of these caverns is nearly 500 feet wide and full of warm sea water. Although a spectacular diving spot, these unknown caverns are best not underestimated.

8. Santa Rosa blue hole, New Mexico

A gorgeous natural swimming hole, this cenote is roughly 80 feet wide and 80 feet deep (in most places) and is a popular destination for tourists. It was also used for diving certification tests, until an incident in 1976. There is one spot in this picturesque cenote that goes down much further than 80 feet; the entrance to a cave. In the dark, twisting passages, two young divers got lost and died, and the cave was later sealed with a metal grate to prevent other divers from attempting to enter. The cave was mostly forgotten about until 2013, when cave divers were given permission to attempt to map the area. The blue hole is at least 200 feet deep, but the bottom of the cave still has not been found.

9. Roaring River Spring, Missouri

This turquoise river bubbles up from a ten-foot wide pool of deep water hidden within a sheer-sided canyon. But despite its peaceful appearance, this spring discharges 20 million gallons of water a day, and the exact source is still unknown. In 1979, divers attempted to map the cave, but reached a point 225 feet down where the passage constricted and had a water flow like “the force of an open fire hydrant”, preventing them from going any further. In 2020, divers waited until the water flow was lowest in the summer and descended to a depth of 472 feet with no bottom in sight, making this the deepest spring in the US!

10. Your Mom.

I jest, of course. Here’s the real one:

Hranice Abyss, Czech Republic

A tiny greenish lake in the forest is the opening to the deepest freshwater cave in the world, deeper than the Empire State Building is high and still seemingly bottomless. It is so deep that scientists think it may have been formed by a totally different process than most freshwater caves; instead of water eroding away the ground from above, it may have been created by acidic groundwater coming up from below. And this water is extremely acidic, able to burn a diver’s skin if not covered properly. This, combined with fallen trees and other debris, poor visibility, and the sheer vertical drop of the cave, creates incredibly dangerous conditions for diving. Because of this, no diver or ROV has reached the bottom yet. But with a recent study using seismic sensors, scientists have estimated that the abyss may be over a kilometer deep, twice what was previously thought.

[studentbyday]

habits i should try to avoid burnout 🍵

to varying degrees, every semester i burn out. this one may become the worst i've had in recent years if i'm not careful bc of the way i'm trying to pack my schedule. anxiety has been unexpectedly high this week and it's only week 1! 😖

🐢 self-care:

get 8-10 hours of sleep daily

daily exercise - enough to get me physically tired enough to sleep

meditate AND journal daily

give myself at least one day a week to chill (probably will be a "reset" day bc i can't just vegetable and expect my brain to not self-destruct. for now, let's try saturdays.)

more quality time with the people i love throughout the week

fresh air + sunlight when the weather isn't too inhospitable

no phone mornings (i quickly fell out of the habit but it did wonders for my mental health 😭)

🐰 time management:

set reasonable goals. don't kid yourself into thinking you can complete everything on a to-do list you doubt you can finish even half of - if you doubt, you're probably right.

take plenty of breaks throughout the day

don't procrastinate bc procrastination's consequences will definitely lead to burnout. on the days you just don't feel it, give yourself a reason to study that speaks to you. what is demotivating you? give yourself the encouragement you need to not give up.

vary the order in which you do things so your days feel like they have more variety (e.g. vary the order in which you work on different subjects every day)

study based on energy level (i.e. try to study high-energy subjects when you have high energy and low-energy subjects when you have low energy. stop for the day when you're just not there anymore, don't try to push it.) this doesn't have to be contradictory to the point above cuz i still have lots of choices for what to do and my energy sometimes fluctuates like crazy throughout a single day.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Pick Me 1

Warnings: this is a dark fic which may contain noncon, violence, and other dark elements. Please keep in mind that all events and characters are fictional. Be mindful of the content you consume and pay heed to the warnings given.

Character: Tony Stark

This is a sister series to One

Note: Please feel free to leave a comment in the replies, a reblog, or my ask. I appreciate likes but I enjoy discussing with you all even more. Your time and feedback are truly appreciated 💞.

You sit in the front row, like you do in every lecture. Just like you’re top of the class in every course. You don’t miss a class or a reading or a due date. Unlike the rest of your peers, you’re not here for the party life, you are here for an education’; for a future.

As your fellow pupils type their notes on their laptops, if they’re even bothering too, you’re writing each word by hand. You listen intently, eyes stuck to Professor Stark as he speaks with his hands, curling his fingers to emphasize his points. His voice carries effortlessly around the airy space, echoing in your ears.

You watch him just as rapaciously as you cling to his every word. His dark hair is laced with gray and his handsome features are lined perfectly with age. A man seasoned just right by the passage of time.

And he isn’t unaware of the effect he has, even on girls barely half his age, though there are few among his audience. Engineering tends to be inhospitable to the quote ‘fairer’ sex.

Yet his first-year physics is overcrowded with girls agog at his devilish smirk. It’s not lost on you how a wink could make one feel something or another. But you remind yourself that this is an academic setting and you shouldn’t be thinking of your professor in that light.

Besides, you’re not his type, are you?

You grimace as you pull your thoughts back to your slanted writing. Ugh, focus. You don’t need to watch Julie twirl her hair as she tries to snare Stark’s attention or notice how Lydia shifts in her seat, crossing and uncrossing her legs. These girls are there for an elective, but this is a core course. You can’t mess this up.

As the three-hour slot comes to an end, a sigh of relief ripples through the rows of students. Lap desks are folded down and laptops snapped shut. A chatter buzzes through the lecture hall but you take your time packing up.

You close your notebook and pull your messenger bag into your lap. Lydia stands, hooking her purse on her shoulder as she fixes her skirt deliberately. She’s brazen enough to spend the lecture beaming up at Dr. Stark without taking a single word down. He doesn’t even seem to mind as she takes obvious selfies and pouts out her lips. It’s like a game to her. Not everyone has a rich daddy to buy their degree.

Julie gives a moping look but is dragged off by her sole companion. You spoke to them once on the first day but quickly realised they are too vapid to stomach. You curl your lip as you glance over at the steady tide of fleeing students. 

Lydia takes her chance to approach the podium. She leans on it as Stark powers down the projector. You can’t hear her churlish whispers but he chuckles in return. As he looks at her, a gleam in his dark eyes, you stare. It’s like you don’t even exist.

She reaches to touch his sleeve and he leans in. His silty tone rolls through the silence but his words are indiscernible. You bite the inside of your lip. You’re right there. How could he want those dumb girls and their overglossed lips? You have a brain, you have substance.

Uh, but aren’t you just as stupid? Thinking about it at all. Wandering off in your mind when you should be studying? Spending those moments before your staggered sleep picturing Dr. Stark and his trimmed goatee, wondering if his silvered hair is as soft as it looks.

Pathetic. You sling your bag on your shoulder and march to the door. You grab the handle and pull it open, the hinges whining. You cringe and glance back. You’re a ghost, you are air, you are nothing to them. How can that be?

Neither of them notice you. They are close, so close. You could stay and watch them and they wouldn’t even know. Professor Stark shamelessly reaches to hook his finger down the front of Lydia’s shirt, given a tug as he leers at her cleavage. She giggles and you leave before your stomach turns.

You don’t want to be like Lydia. Or Julie. Or the countless other girls who’ve passed over his office desk. You don’t want to be another tick mark. You don’t know what you want. You just want that knot in your chest to come undone. It’s a distraction you don’t need.

You could never be jealous of those girls. With their short skirts and crackly trills. You could never fawn over a man with that dumb look on your face. You don’t want to simper to Dr. Stark, you want to have a discussion with him, to learn from him, to witness his genius. Those girls signed up because they needed to fill a box and because they knew his reputation. You sat on the waitlist for a month because you want to be the best so you need to learn from the best.

No, you are not like them.

Your fists ball so tight your nails jab into your palms and your jaw aches from gritting your teeth. It isn’t envy, it’s indignity. They don’t deserve to sit in those seats, they don’t deserve to take in his brilliance all the while it slips in one ear and leaks out the other. 

You just don’t get why he humours them. You don’t get how they are his type. They are empty. They are dull. You might not have the experience but you highly doubt they offer much more on their backs.

Well, you’ll be there next semester, in Physics II and they’ll be off to their arts classes, learning verbs and writing redundant papers on the meaning of the colour blue. He doesn’t see you now but he will. How could he not? You are not like the other girls.

[moongazeonastarfillednight]

love this trend of telling what rabbit holes The Terror has thrown us into. So far I've seen:

Microfilms of old newspapers

Geology

Museum conservation work

Polar exploration

Temperature resistant bacteria

Sailmaking

Finding James Fitzjames

The Psychological impact of a limited amount of people being stuck in the most inhospitable environment of all time and has NASA studied the case of Belgica for any upcoming Mars mission because I feel they should heed that particular red flag

Oral history

Truly a dangerous gateway...

[adventuresofalgy]

The nights were drawing in* rapidly now in the wild west Highlands of Scotland, and Algy knew that the months of darkness had arrived. And as the days grew shorter and dimmer, the physical world began to seem stranger and increasingly less distinct; when the light was low it was really quite common to see things that might – or perhaps might not – be there…

While out and about in the gloaming at this particular time of year, Algy had often noticed that eldritch shapes and forms seemed to loom up out of the twilight, or skitter about on the periphery of his vision, and wee flickering lights could sometimes be seen in the blackness of the long, dark nights, where no light should be shining at all. And he had generally found that it was quite impossible to determine whether these phenomena were real or not… whatever that might mean…

So when Algy discovered a patch of shiny red and yellow toadstools which seemed to have popped up out of nowhere overnight, and sat down to study them more closely as the day drew to a close, he was not particularly surprised to observe certain uncanny effects…

But while a fluffy bird may safely take these experiences in his stride – or indeed, in his flight – without undue concern, his human friends who inhabit the ancient lands of darkness are perhaps better advised to follow the poet's advice at this eerie and inhospitable time of year, and stay cosily indoors with their friends, beside a good, warm fire:

Now at our casement the wind is shrilling, Poignant and keen And all the great boughs of the pines between It is harping a lone and hungering strain To the eldritch weeping of the rain; And then to the wild, wet valley flying It is seeking, sighing, Something lost in the summer olden. When night was silver and day was golden; But out on the shore the waves are moaning With ancient and never fulfilled desire, And the spirits of all the empty spaces, Of all the dark and haunted places, With the rain and the wind on their death-white faces, Come to the lure of our leaping fire. But we bar them out with this rose-red splendor From our blithe domain, And drown the whimper of wind and rain With undaunted laughter, echoing long, Cheery old tale and gay old song; Ours is the joyance of ripe fruition, Attained ambition. Ours is the treasure of tested loving, Friendship that needs no further proving; No more of springtime hopes, sweet and uncertain, Here we have largess of summer in fee­ Pile high the logs till the flame be leaping, At bay the chill of the autumn keeping, While pilgrim-wise, we may go a-reaping In the fairest meadow of memory!

[Algy is reciting the poem By an Autumn Fire by the late 19th/early 20th century Canadian author Lucy Maud Montgomery.]

*Note: Algy believes that this idiom may not be widely used outside Britain, and therefore refers any reader who may be puzzled to this entry in the Collins online dictionary.

[bairdthereader]

Intentional Touch, Respected Space: A By-Episode Study, Part 4.1

This is the space where their love grows in safety.

S1E4: Secret (Section 1 of 2: Opening Scene)

[This episode will be split into two analyses, because the first scene is so complex and grew into its own post. So, the rest of E4 will post later.]

Charlie left Harry’s party crushed, devastated, and blaming himself for what he sees as another disastrous misreading of a relationship. He thinks he’s lost not only his romantic interest but, even worse, his best friend. Nick left Harry’s party confused, overwhelmed, and deeply guilty about leaving Charlie alone. The close and safe space they'd built between them looks, now, vast and inhospitable. The next morning, Charlie wakes up reluctantly and brushes his teeth, staring at his reflection while intrusive thoughts and negative transmutations of the night before play in his mind. In his reimagined version of events, Charlie is smiling and overeager as he asks Nick whether Nick would kiss him, and Nick responds with a surprised and disgusted rejection. This erases the beautiful, intentional romantic touch of the night before from Charlie's memory and overwrites it with damaging space, with the chasm that opened when Nick walked away.

Thankfully, that downward spiral of revisionist thinking is interrupted by a knock on the door.

To Charlie’s utter shock, Nick is standing on the front step in absolutely bucketing rain, soaked and out of breath. Nick starts immediately with an apology, before he even steps foot in the house—perhaps trying so hard to get the words out that he doesn’t think of coming in first, or perhaps respecting the fact that Charlie might need some physical space after the events of the night before, or perhaps feeling that the chasm needs to be crossed slowly and carefully . . . perhaps all three at once. While he explains that he didn’t text because he wanted to talk in person, his eyes rove over Charlie, and a little grin appears, before he anxiously looks back up at Charlie’s face. Nick is so happy and relieved to see Charlie, to have the chance to fix things between them, but when he looks back up at Charlie, Charlie's customary enthusiastic grin is missing, and Nick's concern about the coming conversation resurfaces; there's a hint of pleading in that anxious look. Charlie shows a similar, though more muted, progression, but where Nick’s expression lands on a bit of nerves, Charlie’s lands on fear—there’s a ghost of a smile, followed by a tense gulp, a little anxious twitch in his right arm, a slight frown. To Charlie, looking at the chasm from a perspective of self-blame, Nick’s desire to talk in person seems like the precursor to some kind of permanent break in their friendship.

Charlie says “okay” nonetheless. Whether his intent is to get Nick out of the rain (when the truth is, Nick is will stand in the rain until doomsday if that’s the only way he can talk to Charlie), or to continue to close the distance between them now that Nick has taken the first step (or both), Charlie reaches out. One hand grips the sleeve of Nick’s hoodie, while the other holds Nick’s upper arm, and he pulls Nick inside—the first touch since their kiss the night before, the first narrowing of the divide. The second Nick is fully out of the rain, Charlie’s hands drop, clenched at his sides. Charlie is still, contained, waiting . . . worrying that any kind of touch from him is now anathema to Nick and trying to respect that possibility, that space, while simultaneously wanting to touch him. Nick is all movement, repeated swallowing and hands fluttering nervously, almost gripping the edge of the door one moment, going for his pockets the next, finally letting them settle somewhere by his sides, wondering if any kind of touch is okay in this situation but wanting it nonetheless. Nick’s eyes dart around Charlie’s face; Charlie’s are steady on Nick, unwavering.

Nick must have felt an intense singlemindedness about just getting to Charlie and talking to him to ignore such a downpour, rather than taking a few seconds to grab an umbrella. Some part of Charlie recognizes this as he tries to break the tension by asking Nick whether he forgot his coat and then, with a hesitant smile, affectionately calls him an idiot, hoping he can return a bit of normalcy to their interaction.

There’s a flicker of the old comfort between the two of them—a reminder—before Nick pulls himself together and brings up the night before. Charlie immediately looks down, his brief moment of confidence gone, as he waits for whatever rejection he expects Nick to dish out. “About last night, I just wanted to say” is as far as Nick gets before Jane enters the scene, a timely (if annoyingly parental) reminder that they are not alone.

Jane’s comments about Charlie’s pajamas might have the opposite of the shaming effect she intended, since Nick is immediately unable to help giving Charlie a thorough, almost childishly enthusiastic and pleased once-over. A look Charlie catches him in and which Nick immediately tries to downplay, erasing the grin, standing a bit straighter, a little surprised at himself and wondering whether this kind of appreciation is, well, appreciated by Charlie. Charlie’s little return smile is a mixture of nervous, hopeful, and a bit confused. He suggests going up to his room, and with a tiny heel bounce and nod, Nick agrees, looking trepidatious as he walks past Charlie, who eyes him with obvious worry before hurriedly fixing his hair and following.

The boys enter what has hitherto been a safe space, both looking slightly terrified. Charlie looks down as Nick takes off the soaking wet sweatshirt, at once trying to respect Nick and also taking a moment to shield himself from what he thinks is coming, and gathering strength to say all the things he has to say. There is so much bravery in this pause before either of them speaks—Charlie, confronting his worst fears and crushing self-recrimination, and Nick, preparing to explain something about himself that he barely understands—both in an effort to salvage their friendship first and foremost. They begin the conversation a few feet apart, both trying to map the new boundaries of their shared space, each trying to give the other the room they think they need. Nick squares his shoulders just slightly, intentionally pulls his gaze back to Charlie, and tries to start.

But Charlie steps slightly forward into the chasm between them, the intensity of his need to apologize, to mend the rift he thinks he’s caused, pushing him toward Nick, even as he avoids Nick’s eyes. He realizes what he’s doing and pulls back slightly, though still not back to his original position. He wants, desperately, to have that space bridged.

Then begins what we have to suspect is a verbal vortex of apologies that Charlie has rehearsed yet can’t completely control in this moment of real life confrontation. Charlie grows increasingly frantic, while Nick’s frown intensifies. Nick listens for a while, surprised and a little sad, but also recognizing on some level what Charlie is doing and where it’s coming from, his near compulsive need to take the ”blame” and absolve Nick of anything that might be causing Nick discomfort. When Charlie gets to “I don’t want you to feel awkward about it because it was all my fault,” Nick decides it’s time to interject. He steps decisively and intentionally forward, knowing that Charlie needs to hear Nick’s side of the story to understand that there is, in fact, no “fault” here at all. But Charlie barrels on, so caught in the maelstrom of negativity in his own head that he doesn’t hear Nick’s words or notice the steps Nick has taken to close the space between them. He says, “I shouldn’t have kissed you,” and Nick stops abruptly, hurt, worried that maybe he got this wrong and Charlie does regret the actual kiss (rather than just the aftermath), briefly questioning the wisdom of narrowing the chasm of both physical and emotional space between them.

But then Charlie’s overthinking and over apologizing—“I bet you just felt pressured to do it because I asked” and “I know you probably don’t want to talk to me ever again"—gives Nick more insight into Charlie’s feelings and state of mind. Charlie is not saying he shouldn’t have kissed Nick because he didn’t want to, but because he fears it has pushed Nick away. He’s saying he cares about Nick so deeply, and their friendship is so important, that he would give up and take back something he wanted if it meant preserving what they had before. He’s saying he feels unworthy of Nick’s interest or attraction, that he believes Nick would never return Charlie’s kiss except out of pity or pressure. In that moment, Nick knows he has to stop Charlie, he has to make Charlie understand that his fears are largely unfounded. The need to close the gap, to get them both back in a safe space of mutual understanding, along with the desire for intentional, meaningful touch, propels Nick the last step toward Charlie. As Charlie says, with only a very little hope in his voice “I at least had to say I’m sorry. See if maybe there’s a chance we can still be friends?” Nick grips Charlie’s upper arms briefly, trying first with a careful, grounding touch to get Charlie to pay attention.

When Charlie seems unable to stop, when he goes on to say, “I don’t want to lose you because I did something stupid,” Nick knows for sure that Charlie has not willingly removed himself from their mutual safe space. He’s still there, waiting for Nick, hoping Nick will return, even if it's only as a friend. Charlie doesn’t realize Nick is already there with him; he never really left. Nick uses both hands, gently but firmly, to hold Charlie’s face and turn it up toward him so Charlie has to look Nick in the eye. He has to pull his focus from his damaging inner monologue and really see Nick.

When he does, he’s still afraid. Even with Nick’s careful, familiar, intentional, highly communicative touch, Charlie can’t quite believe that maybe his negative interpretation of Nick's feelings could be wrong. There’s a long, silent moment of direct eye contact, of reconnection, that must bring back clear memories of the good parts of the night before. Here, Nick is simultaneously checking in with Charlie, making sure the touch is accepted, while also preparing to show Charlie in the clearest, most direct way that Nick has not decided to abandon Charlie. Even if his mind can’t quite make the leap, there’s no way Charlie can miss the decision that Nick makes in this moment, the intentionality behind his next touch. Nick looks down at Charlie’s mouth, frowns in concentration and determination, and presses his fingers tighter against the back of Charlie’s neck, knitting them together as he pulls Charlie toward him with a quick indrawn breath. Unlike their kisses at the party, carefully initiated by Charlie, this one is led by Nick. There’s nothing tentative or fearful about it, and Charlie responds to that confidence, hands gripping Nick’s shirt and rising up on tiptoes to get closer to Nick.

They pull just slightly apart, trying to understand both themselves and each other, trying to reinstate the safe space they’d built together. Nick keeps his hold on Charlie, though it’s a bit looser now, and his shoulders stay up by his ears, curled in toward Charlie, holding onto the moment for a bit longer as he looks intently at Charlie and takes a deep breath followed by a nervous gulp. Not that Nick needed it, but all of his positive feelings while kissing Charlie the night before are reinforced here.

Charlie is watching Nick, as he always does, waiting for his reaction, checking in, all the while wondering what exactly just happened and what it all means. His attempt to verbalize this confusion comes out as “um,” and the question in that sound seems to remind Nick that he still has things he needs to say. He carefully removes his hands from Charlie’s neck and settles back just a bit, giving them both room to breathe and acknowledging that they still have a ways to go in understanding each other completely. Charlie’s eyes rove over Nick’s face, asking all the questions. 

Then Nick, looking distressed, says, “God,” as if he can’t believe what he’s just done, or perhaps that he’s done it without explaining himself first. The word and tone are obviously directed inward, not at Charlie, yet Charlie clearly thinks that Nick’s upset is somehow his fault all over again. This is only confirmed in Charlie’s mind when Nick frowns, shakes his head, and gives an  “I’m so sorry,” before turning away. Charlie’s first, terrified thought is that Nick has once again kissed him out of pity or some other misguided feeling of pressure, and here now must be the moment of retreat for Nick. Charlie watches Nick sit tensely on the edge of his bed, and he waits, allowing the space between them to stretch, not sure, for the moment, what that space means or how wide it actually is. Once again, his hands are clenched, and he’s standing straight, braced.

But then, Nick apologizes for something he did; “I’m just so sorry I ran away last night.” There’s an incredible vulnerability here, as Nick voices what has clearly been gnawing at him the most since the night before, the real reason he ran through the rain without texting first to get to Charlie; running toward Charlie, not away. Though he has so much of his own inner turmoil to deal with, his primary concern is for Charlie’s feelings and the way Nick’s abrupt departure must have affected Charlie. This simple apology, spoken with deep feeling and some eye contact and a lot of introspection, tells Charlie a few things. That Nick does not intend to pull away—he’s here apologizing for exactly that thing—or put distance between them or ignore what happened; that he wanted to stay with Charlie; and that Nick knows Charlie deserves this explanation, this apology (a level of respect Charlie was never given by Ben). Charlie doesn’t relax, exactly—he’s too keyed up for that—but you can see understanding in his eyes.

And here’s where Charlie has to rewire his thinking just a bit. Nick begins sharing and explaining his inner landscape, his worries, concerns, and challenges. “I was just freaking out because I was confused, and surprised, and, like, honestly, I’m having a proper full-on gay crisis.” Contrary to Charlie’s previous experiences with Ben—who deflected, blamed, shamed, and gaslighted Charlie rather than performing any kind of self-examination, conditioning Charlie to expect not only pain and rejection, but emotional inaccessibility as well—Nick is inviting Charlie into his thoughts, reaching through their space of emotional safety and asking Charlie to understand Nick even in the midst of his own confusion, to come back to the solid ground they had before and stand next to him. And Charlie is getting there; he recognizes what Nick is offering with his honesty, and he moves back into the figurative safe space between them. All he's waiting for now is verbal, clear confirmation that the literal space can be crossed as well, that physical touch can be part of their relationship again too, that Nick's confusion and panic aren't directed at Charlie specifically, but instead at the larger implications of his recent self-discovery.

Nick once again gives this confirmation to Charlie with his thoughtful, considered honesty. Remembering Charlie’s guilt vortex, remembering his devastated face when Nick jerked away the night before, Nick moves on to address what he knows has been bothering Charlie the most: “It’s not that I didn’t want to . . . you know . . . kiss you.” This isn’t the easiest thing in the world for Nick to say; there’s physical and emotional effort behind the words. Other than his reactionary "I don’t know" and "maybe" and one quiet "yeah" in the ballroom, Nick hasn’t ever admitted out loud that he’s physically attracted to Charlie. Audibly naming a thing gives it a certain power, an almost tangible reality, and the fact that he chooses to take this step now shows not only that Nick is willing to push the boundaries of his own bravery to put Charlie's mind at ease, but also that Nick believes that the bedrock of trust between himself and Charlie is still there.

He goes on to lay even more of himself bare to Charlie, almost unable to control his emotion, and perhaps, now, unwilling to control it; if he can’t be vulnerable in this respected space with Charlie, when can he be? Now that he's apologized for what he sees as his missteps and given Charlie as much insight as he can, Nick lets himself show Charlie the true depths of his struggles. This is where that space they've nurtured gives Nick a soft place to land; it's where he has room to fully feel and accept his pain and confusion without any fear of judgment or shame, because this is Charlie, and this is the gift Charlie gives the people he loves.

Charlie recognizes how hard this is for Nick—though his personal experience was different, Charlie has felt some of these same things himself—and his deeply ingrained empathy, along with his growing certainty that Nick does not regret kissing Charlie, that Nick's flight was a result of impulse and momentary fear rather than disgust or regret, leads him to at last close the physical distance and sit down next to Nick. Intentionally close, touching shoulders, but nothing else just yet. Lending silent support and showing Nick that Charlie’s in this, too. He understands. He’s not looking away from it. And while Nick's gaze is turned inward at his own turmoil, he doesn’t move away from Charlie’s careful touch; he knows he needs it.

As Nick starts to say “I just think I need some time,” Charlie’s mouth closes and he gives a huge gulp. What is Nick going to say next? Will he ask for time apart? Is this the moment—Charlie's brain suggests, despite all that just happened and all that was just said—that Nick will draw some kind of line and actually pull away? But Nick just says “to figure this out.” He doesn’t ask for space, or a pause, he doesn’t tell Charlie that Charlie isn’t the one he wants to figure it out with. It’s a simple and straightforward statement of intent—he’s going to figure himself out, he’s going to do the emotional work of understanding himself, he’s not running away from it, or, importantly, from Charlie, despite the intensity of his confusion. This must be encouraging for Charlie to hear after his experiences with Ben, and nothing he knows about Nick would give him cause to doubt that Nick will do this.

Still, Charlie knows this will not be easy for Nick, no matter how determined he is, and Charlie’s understanding of Nick’s current pain combined with Charlie’s anticipation of Nick’s future pain morphs into a powerful need to offer comfort. He doesn’t say anything—in this moment, words aren’t what Nick needs—but he firmly and decisively wraps an arm around Nick’s shoulders, fully crossing the intentional touch divide now that his understanding of Nick's feelings is clear, now that he knows that touch will be good for both of them.

This draws Nick back to the surface from the deep well of his thoughts, reminds him that Charlie is there, in their space with him, and when Nick looks back at Charlie, all of that understanding and empathy and deep friendship, all the things that Charlie is so, so good at, are right there on Charlie’s face. And Nick knows he can be himself with Charlie in a way he isn't with anyone else in his life.

The chasm of the night before has been closed.

This isn’t a hug; it’s a sanctuary.

[fuckyeahfluiddynamics]

Seeking Mars' Past

Although Mars is quite dry and inhospitable today, our rovers continue to search for evidence of a past Mars that could have sustained life. A recent study suggests that, at least in Gale Crater, the opportunities for life to flourish may have been short-lived.  (Image credit: NASA; research credit: D. Burtt et al.; via Gizmodo) Read the full article

[mindblowingscience]

Billions of years ago, Mars was home to abundant water, and its Gale crater contained a lake. Gradually, the climate changed, drying the red planet and creating the dusty desert world we know today. Now, an international team of researchers led by Imperial has found signs that water was abundant in Mars' Gale crater—a 154km-diameter basin just south of the equator—long after the planet was thought to have become dry and inhospitable. The findings have implications for our understanding of Mars' changing climate, as well as where we now look for signs of habitability.

Continue Reading.

[theterrorreversebang]

Presenting, for your viewing and reading pleasure: the final collection of this year's Terror Reverse Bang, a feast of gorgeous artwork, beautiful fic, friendship, laughter, tears, …some horny. OK, a lot of horny.

You can find the AO3 collection for the event here. Summaries and links to the artwork below the cut.   

Thank you all for going on this fantastic journey with us.

Eat well and enjoy.

- ❤️, Charlie and Vio 

amateur operator (T, hickey/irving tozer/irving, 10.5k)

artwork and concept by entangled_system

fic by pointyshades

At an isolated research station at the top of a warming world, in the most inhospitable place on Earth for communications, John Irving studies signal propagation - and studiously avoids the obvious metaphor. John’s had a lot of practice at ignoring the obvious, but when an improbable random contact with an amateur radio operator calling himself "EC" leads to even more improbable regular contact with the same operator, not even John can ignore the ridiculous reality: a growing relationship with someone he knows only by their call sign; a relationship conducted half in Morse code.

John's real-life connections aren't going half so well, and neither is his research: his radio equipment keeps suffering accidents, and he can't stop getting into arguments with Sergeant Tozer, the man assigned to help him fix it. Frustrated, he turns even further toward his relationship with EC - and finds himself being urged down a path of paranoia as to who is actually damaging his equipment.

an arcane kind of murder (M, fitzier, 7.5k)

artwork and concept by pretendingday

fic by shakespeares_girl

At the Baronet Franklin's annual tourney, a series of murders begins. Francis is pressed into investigating, with the help of James Fitzjames. But Lord Franklin won't cancel the tournament, and the murders are getting more and more violent.

as per my last email (E, joplittle, 67.2k)

artwork and concept by mitarashi8

fic by manicpixiedreamjop

Edward Little has lived his life the way he thought he was supposed to. He went to a good university, got a good job as the head of PR at Erebus men’s magazine, and bought a home. He blames the fact that he hans’t dated since university on the fact that he doesn’t have time and not the fact that it terrifies him, and spends what little free time he has trying to pretend he isn’t miserable.

His neighbour Thomas Jopson has lived his life the only way he knows how. He fought his way from a childhood in foster care into a degree and a career that he loves, spending his days doing social work and his evenings volunteering with a local nonprofit supporting queer youth in the foster system. He plans his days down to the second, hardly allowing himself time for anything outside of work and sleep, but he is, at least mostly, satisfied.

When Edward’s boss is quoted saying something homophobic, it’s Edward’s job to clean up the mess, which leads him to the nonprofit that Thomas volunteers with. This new connection has the potential to turn both Edward and Thomas’ lives upside down. If only the two of them actually liked each other.

barghest. (T, joplittle, 10.3k)

artwork and concept by oughtnots

fic by derry_rain

Edward Little is a humble accountant in the late 1920s, but he has lately become haunted by visions of death: his own death, in the form of a great black dog not unlike one that bit him as a child. When his endless visions of ice and snow and the black dog won't end, he finds himself turning to a paranormal private eye: Thomas Jopson.

be that my cue to crave you (E, little/le vesconte, 9.6k)

artwork and concept by bilgewater01

fic by orchis

“If I could eat anything right now—”

“Henry.”

“Anything at all, from all the dishes and delicacies I've ever stuffed my face with—”

“Henry.”

“I think I'd go for an apple,” he finishes. “How awfully pedestrian of me. Nothing fancy, just an apple, and I don't even have the strong teeth for it anymore.”

“Henry.”

He huffs. “I hear you,” he says, and Edward can imagine him frowning, lips pursed. He wishes he could see him in the dark. “Tell me what you'd have, then, and I'll shut up about it.”

As the dark winters of the Arctic stretch before him, Edward yearns and craves and waits.

dear john (T, hodgson/irving/little, 16.6k)

artwork and concept by turnofthesentry

fic by mxjopsonfan

When John receives an anonymous love letter he resolves immediately to find the culprit. Little does he know that he is about to go on a voyage of self-discovery, realisations of deep affection, and three of her Majesty's naval Lieutenants showing how incapable they are of being Normal About Feelings.

ice wine (M, fitzier, 19.9k)

artwork and concept by o-rchidae

fic by melismata

Sir John, English wine pioneer, has survived every crisis since the 70s. Surely three bad harvests and a global pandemic aren't such a big deal? Fortunately, everyone else at Parable Wines agrees the business urgently needs saving. Unfortunately, no-one agrees how.

iceblink luck (M, fitzier, 30.4k)

artwork and concept by marella-moon - x

fic by perenial

October, 1987. With the Thatcher government entering its third term, Defence minister Sir John Franklin looks to offload two of his dockside London properties: one, a successful dance school directed by celebrated principal danseur James Fitzjames, and the other, a century-old boxing gym helmed by former middleweight Olympic hopeful turned disgraced misanthrope Francis Crozier.

In a show of generosity, Franklin offers Crozier the chance to buy out the gym he's poured over a decade of work into. It should be the opportunity he's been waiting for – except Crozier's barely keeping the gym afloat as it is, and Franklin's asking price far exceeds his means. With only one month to cough up the funds or forfeit the gym, Crozier finds himself backed into a corner, fighting for a piece of history he refuses to let go and against a past that's just waiting for him to give in.

matching such unlikes (G, fitzier, 7.5k)

artwork and concept by asparklethatisblue

fic by acephalous

In which Sir John tries his hand at matchmaking: after all who could be a more perfect match for his dear niece than James Fitzjames?

our flag means mutiny (T, hickey/gibson, 8.5k)

artwork and concept by o-rchidae

fic by borderparasol

Cornelius Hickey, William Gibson, and Solomon Tozer have successfully pulled off a grand mutiny, stealing HMS Terror to sail on the open seas and live their life free from the shackles of the Empire, plundering and making their living as pirates!

So...now what? And does anybody know how to fish?

provenance (M, jopzier fitzier silna/goodsir, 7.7k)

artwork and concept by kaupaint

fic by hangingfire

Three relics of the lost Franklin Expedition.

“Don't you get it yet? It must act like a recording, fixed in the floor and the walls. Right in the substance of them, a trace of what happened in there. And we pick it up. We act as detectors, decoders, amplifiers … It would have to be in the stone.”

—The Stone Tape, Nigel Kneale, 1972

reform your behaviour (E, irving/jopson, 9.4k)

artwork and concept by royaielfroot

fic by somelikeitred (ringofboubt)

After finding Hickey and Gibson in a compromising position, Lieutenant Irving intends to inform the Captain immediately. But when he finds Jopson first the Captain's steward persuades him to be lenient.

“Is it necessary to condemn the men -," Jopson considered his words, searching for the phrasing least likely to spook the lieutenant, "-over a desire for companionship? Is it so unforgivable for a man to be lonely?”

John studied him carefully; unable to formulate any response. Surely, Jopson could not be arguing that such vices were acceptable.

sent to the sea (E, annfitzrossier, 10.4k)

artwork and concept by brainyraccoons

fic by swanfloatieknight

After James Ross rescued them, Francis and James return to London in 1848. Francis lives with the Rosses in married bliss.

If only he could stop thinking about James Fitzjames, the bond they shared in the Arctic, and the last letter he sent that Fitzjames never replied to.

sweet to tongue, sound to eye (T, hodgson/irving/little, 10.1k)

artwork and concept by brimstone-cowboy

fic by unnecessary

After an Admiralty party bidding them farewell, the lieutenants get lost in Hampstead Heath. But not all is as it seems...

those wretched beings (M, multiple characters, 7.8k)

artwork and concept by melisusthewee

fic by notinmylab

A very literal take on the idea that colonialism is an infectious disease and that English ships are the carriers. Or, a zombie AU where Something Else is on the ice with them.

unerring devotion (T, jopzier, 7.5k)

artwork and concept by awhbeans

fic by yellow

Everyone else called Francis Frank, but in the quiet of their tent Thomas called him Francis.

Francis wore his two identities awkwardly, like an ill-fitting suit he couldn’t take off. He slipped into old fashioned speech and complained that people thought it affected. But Thomas liked it, just like he liked that Francis still let him call him Francis, and didn’t insist they were different people now. Quite the opposite.

If anything, Thomas was the one who had taken his two lives and separated them neatly, folded them and put them away. With Francis he could take out Thomas and put it on, like crawling into another skin. It was worn and battered but Francis seemed to like it best, and Thomas was glad of it.

---

Thomas Jopson and Francis Crozier are reincarnated. They find each other, and then they set out to find their missing men.

unknown by name or rank (E, joplittle, 17.1k)

artwork and concept by mitarashi8

fic by hypallepse

Years after the Great War, in a tiny illegal pub in the British countryside, Thomas met an awkward veteran and Edward a mysterious war nurse. They almost crashed in their desire to get to know each other, they shared an evening like no other, before having their night cut short by a police raid. How to find the other back with no memory of each other’s name or address? Why even try?

Both of them will stumble in the dark, battling the remnants of the war, unaware of the secret they will unearth in their effort to get that new chance at life.

[ember-atelier]

Lomia Research Outpost - Polaris

A research outpost on the Northern polar continent Polaris. Its main purpose is to study the feasibility of maintaining an artificial temperate habitat in such a cold, inhospitable environment.

[memecucker]

i think its pretty meta how the international mining megacorp Rio Tinto is named after their first mine which was located at the Rio Tinto river in Spain and the river is called "Rio Tinto" because its water is brightly red and orange due to being heavily contaminated and acidic with large amounts of iron and other metals present making it inhospitable to all non-extremophile life to the point that it is studied by astrobiologists exploring the possibility of life in places where there would be liquid but highly acidic water

Also the area around the river had been used for mining iron, copper and other metals for over 5,000 years so even well before the Romans arrived and while there's debate about to what level the pollution of the river is manmade vs natural (surface level deposits that would be more likely to contaminate the river naturally would also make it a more obvious site to mine metals in ancient times) it is kinda accidentially self-aware that Rio Tinto of all corporations is named after a river which has had been polluted by human mining for thousands of years